2 posts tagged “ben martini's happy hour”
What websites do you visit every day?
Submitted by Chez Michelle.
These are the best excuses I've been able to give when my boss catches me slacking off at work.
(I said slacking off.)
Sorry, but . . .
1) I have to be careful; moving too quickly could trigger productivity.
(laughs at own joke)
Or maybe a bowel movement.
2) Sorry, I'm really out of it today. My parents were killed last night in a house fire.
(Pause.)
Is it lunch yet? I'm suddenly craving barbecue?
3) I've exhausted all my manna.
4) I can't stop reading Ben Martini's Happy Hour. I think I have a problem.
5) Jesus said that unless I start taking it easy, he's going to make me kill everyone in this office with a shotgun. You wouldn't want me to disobey Jesus, would you?
6) I thought I'd give the rest of you slackers time to catch up with me. Also, I am so very very high right now.
7) If life were meant to be all work and no play, we wouldn't have superfluous nipples. What? Not everyone does? Forget I said that.
8) I see dead people.
9) I'm coming down really hard. Thanks for making it so easy on me, dickhead.
10) No, YOU shut up! Oh, wait. What was the question, again?
11) That huge penis of mine keeps slowin' me down.
12) It's hard to focus on my work when (insert name of co-worker) keeps flashing me his/her rashy nutsack.
and last but not least
13) I don't feel vewry good. : (
